Parents: Don’t be Embarrassed.

The fear of embarrassment causes more people to shut down and hide than nearly any other experience. To feel totally exposed to strangers, or those closest to us for that matter; there’s nothing quite like it.

Think of those times when fear of embarrassment took hold of you. How about: singing at mass, dancing while sober, holding hands, taking your drivers test, speaking a foreign language, getting your tax filing audited, asking someone out for the first time, that first kiss . . . and the greatest fear of all? Public speaking.

There’s a ton of them.

And what is it that grips us so tightly, that freezes us up? I think it’s the possibility of being laughed at, ridiculed or rejected. In that scary moment we’re just “out there”, unguarded, vulnerable. The slightest smirk, or roll of the eyes means total rejection. We’ve all experienced it and we never want it to happen again.

It’s why children stop acting like children. Their free, silly, exuberance has met disapproval. “There must be something wrong with me” is the message we get. And so we begin to protect ourselves (a necessary adjustment to life at times). But it can come at a cost of never investing ourselves in what we truly believe. We can turn our back on things dearest and most important to us.

Why did Peter deny the Lord three times? (One of them to a little servant girl!) (Luke 22: 54-62). He was scared and embarrassed. We all know the feeling.

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Parents and grandparents are expected to get over this fear . . . if only for the sake of children and spouse. You are supposed to be bigger than your fears (or at least be willing to confront them) for the sake of what you love and hold true.

But still the feelings of embarrassment harass us. As a priest I see it when it comes to speaking about your faith in God. Many have gotten away from the religion of their youth (when talking about loving God came as easily as speaking of your love for the family dog.)

We remember the times in life we have strayed. Perhaps the practice of the Catholic Faith has become spotty at best. Consequently, we feel like hypocrites when we talk about God or the commandments or prayer. “If the guys at work heard me saying these things to my child, they’d howl with laughter.” So we console ourselves with the thought that at least I’m not being a phony . . . and we say nothing.

This won’t do. We need to be bigger than our embarrassment. There are some things “you just know in your bones”. Stay true to them. Things like: God has given me this child. I’ve experienced a love for them I never knew I was capable of. When I surrender to God’s plan for me (my here and now), I see how I can add goodness without embarrassment. I can witness to the God I KNOW FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE.

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Six simple things you can do with your child to witness to the faith God has given to you.

1. Send your child off to school, to bed, to sports, with the Sign of the Cross traced lightly on their forehead. “God bless you, and protect you. In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” is all you need to say.
2. Tell your child, “I’m praying for you.” You don’t know what this knowledge will do for your child.
3. Ask for your child’s prayers. Something like, “I need your help today. Would you pray that my meeting goes well today?” Kids want to help.
4. Tell your child when you’ve experienced God in your life. “I looked at you when you were born and I just knew God had blessed me.”
5. Share your embarrassment with your child. Something like, . . . “you know, I’m not the best at this but maybe TOGETHER we can learn about God.”
6. Bring your child to mass. There is no substitute for this.

Love will help you get over your embarrassment.

Fr. Tim