Let’s Get Married!

We are about to begin the marrying season here at Holy Trinity. Traditionally the month of June was the time to tie the knot but more and more couples are moving the wedding back to later in the summer and now into September and October.

Last January eight couples made their Pre-Cana Conference here at the parish. (Pre-Cana uses the name of the town (Cana) Jesus visited for a wedding feast and turned the water into wine. It is a day long seminar given by our crack team of married couples. It helps couples reflect on and talk about the realities of married life.)

Since then they’ve taken a relationship inventory (FOCCUS) which helps couples discover what they see eye to eye about and what they differ on. It’s kind of like a “snapshot” of their relationship, “you say toe-mate -toe, I say toe-mah-toe” sort of thing.

Finally the couples meet with the priest. We have about three conversations in my office. I hear their autobiographies, where they came from, their families of origin, how they met, how they discovered “this is the one”. I ask them what their plans are for the future; careers, children, housing, education. Most exciting is to hear how the fellow popped the question to his lady. Each one is different and wonderful. Lastly we talk about religion and what role Faith plays in their life.

Part of the reason for the conversations is just to get the couple to talk. Some of course don’t need any encouragement . . . they love to talk. Its fun and laughter is of- ten a part of the conversation. Other couples are less ver- bal, often because of personality. Their stories tend to be shorter and to the point.

Both ways of talking (lots or little) are fine so long as each person is comfortable with the way their partner responds.

But long or short it doesn’t matter . . . just communicate! I remember years ago talking to a young couple soon to be married. I asked the soon to be bride, “Sarah, does Frank believe in God?” She looked puzzled and said, “I don’t know.” A minute later, at my encouragement, she turned to Frank and said, “Do you believe in God?”

I was moved to sadness to think these two were about to get married, have children, journey through life together and yet they didn’t know if either one believed in God. Oh dear.

So here’s a little test for couples thinking about marriage. Find a time when there is no hurry, when you both are relaxed and present to each other. Then ask him or her “Do you believe in God?” Or if you know the general answer already (“yes I do” or “I don’t know” etc.), ask the next question, “Why do you believe?”.

If your friend answers generously, if they truly want to answer your question no matter how awkward it may be, you have a good person who wants to include you into this and other personal parts of their life. Congratulations.

If they refuse to answer or make it sound like the question is stupid or not worth talking about . . . beware. How will God be a part of your marriage if you can’t share what you believe and why? How will you deal with the challenges of life, the moments of Christian joy — Christmas, Easter, First Holy Communion, etc.?

God may ask the believer to be a bridge to faith for the non-believer. This does happen. But be sure you know what’s needed before you leap!

Anyway . . . dear engaged couples . . . we pray for you. We hope your lives together will have great joy. The greatest joy is to have your love bring your spouse to the love of God.

Happy Summer!

Fr.Tim