The older I get the more interested I am in what moves people to want what they want. What is it that resonates in a person that makes them want to spend their time and money on some object or activity?
It starts with our appetites. Certain things are built into us that create a readiness for something that appeals to the senses or the imagination. Most things come to us this way. Smelling bacon in the morning starts a wonderful process called breakfast.
Other things appeal to our higher senses. Telling the truth. Being faithful, courageous, or generous. These things have True Value as do. . . people, family, faith, country.
Now there’s a problem. Sometimes the “lower senses” of our physical nature can overpower our higher sensibili- ties. (try being patient when you haven’t eaten all day!). Other appetites insist we possess certain things: a new cell phone, laptop, puppy, vacation spot, etc. These can have a certain urgency that creates a “want” before we realize it. So let’s look at Wanting.
What’s wrong with wanting something? Nothing at all. It’s how God made us. The problem comes when “wanting” is for something I “don’t need” or “Shouldn’t have”. This can cause a real tussle. “But I WAAAANT IT!”, we cried as children (as our parents wisely hid the candy, or ordered the TV turned off). And thus began the life long struggle to achieve the proper balance between need and want.
As a priest I get a bird’s eye view of this struggle when hearing confessions. People come to confess their sins. Most often sin starts by “wanting” something that is contrary to what is right and good.
This wanting is VERY powerful; eventually it can outweigh the attraction to the higher good. The good loses its appeal. We fall prey to a desire that takes us away from who (in our right mind) we really want to be.
So how can we stop wanting what is bad for us? It comes in finding something I want more. Something in us has to be bigger than the powerful desires for booze, sex, prestige, beauty, popularity, etc.
The problem is at the feeling level. I can know an ideal is good but not FEEL it. But with, say, pornography . . . your brain knows it’s sinful but there’s a powerful wanting at the feeling level.
What can give us, not just the knowledge about what is right, but the felt “wanting” to do it?
The answer, of course, is love. Love in the form of “loyalty”. Think for a moment of those people who are privileged to have your love and loyalty . . . your spouse, your children, your best friend. Think how many times you walked away from something you really wanted because of your love for them. In most cases it wasn’t even close! (Her need for braces far outweighed your wanting that vacation trip).
Finally . . . God wants to be in that same privileged place as your daughter or friend. He wants us to walk away from some of our wants because of our love for Him. Jesus did this very thing in the garden. “Father please. Take this away…but not what I want…help me to want what YOU want.”
It’s a grace from God to want what He wants. Ask for it. His will for us is our peace.
Fr. Tim
