Looking at the bulletin the past few weeks the topics for the article have been so serious. This week I thought to write about something younger people are concerned with . . . like . . . falling in love. (Share this with your children or grandchildren.)
When you think of the human experiences that most change and motivate our lives, falling in love has to be right near the top. I’ve seen selfish, sullen, sarcastic 22 year old men suddenly become thoughtful, generous, and gentle. The reason? They met someone to love.
It’s a fantastic feeling, isn’t it? To think that someone who makes me weak in the knees whenever they are near . . . actually feels the same way about ME!! “Finally”, we say, “I’ve met the person just meant for me! They make me feel so good.”
Been there? Lucky you.
What causes these powerful feelings in us? In no small part it’s hormones. Our bodies are speaking to us. Tell- ing us we need to be thinking about finding someone to continue the human species. This profound emotional swelling is meant to help us fulfill one of the purposes of life – – children, family, home.
This is how God made us. These feelings are holy, ultimately to be shared with the one who will be a partner for life.
But then . . . like a summer’s day, the feelings can change. Life has other things that have to be dealt with: work, finances, life goals, etc. The thrill of first love be- comes a steady, every day, sometimes boring, “presence” to each other. Young lovers can sometimes feel their hearts have tricked them. “He/She is not as exciting as they used to be.”
I’ve been with young married couples who feel they’ve “fallen out of love”. Perhaps this IS NOT the one meant for me. Maybe we made a mistake. It can be scary.
If a couple has been honest with themselves and each other along the way, what is happening is quite normal. God is leading them to a deeper experience of love. Though sex appeal and passion will always have great value, something deeper is happening – – if they let it.
The lovers are beginning to experience the essence of love . . . self-sacrifice. The concern is no longer “How She/He makes me feel”. Love is now learning to seek first the happiness of the beloved. The partner’s happiness be- comes the happiness for the one who loves.
It’s no longer about you. It’s about the beloved. Here is where some can’t deal with the switch. When I’m not getting the same feelings I must not be in love, they think. Some abandon ship.
So permit this old man to suggest a few clues that tell you you’re truly in love.
- You’re basically happy when you’re around that person (not ecstatic, just happy).
- You admire and respect that person more than most of your friends.
- You feel honored to be loved and respected by them.
- Even if that person would never meet you, (if you could only watch them from afar), you would still find them lovable without their loving you.
- You’re transparent with them because they are your dear friend.
- You know they would be a good mother/father.
- You know they are not the perfect person, nor will they bring you total happiness . . . and that’s okay.
- You’re willing to stop comparing him/her to others. They’re the one.
- You’ve seen him/her in difficult situations and they have re-acted with kindness.
- A kiss on the cheek from them always brings comfort in the storm.
Lastly. The person described above is a GIFT, not someone you can order up by wanting it. And if by chance God doesn’t give you this gift, He’s got something else just as good for you . . . because he made you and loves you.
Bless you always.
FR. Tim
