Dad.

My sisters are always warning me about pigeon-holing people. You know, things like . . . “Well that’s because he’s Irish (or Italian, or German, etc.). You know how they are.”

Most times I think it’s done with an appreciation for the gifts that certain cultures offer to the world. (Who but Italians could have given us all those amazing operas and the tenor voices that delivered their story?) It’s not pigeon-holing when what is pointed to is clearly “a gift”.

The same observations can be made about the different gifts of men and women. So on this Father’s Day let this be an “ode” to fathers and the gifts they bring to their wives and us children.

(What follows in no way lessens the true love that same sex couples have for their children and the critical role they play in their lives.)

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What is it that makes a good husband and father?

First on the list is a requirement of nature. A father needs to be a man. This is for the purpose of children of course. But there’s more than biology happening here.

Children need nurturing, guidance and protection. Is it fair to say women have a particular genius in knowing and feeling along with their children? I think they do. I also think their hearts are more ready to embrace and comfort.

This does not mean that men have none or little of these traits. They have them for sure. But a father would be wise to defer to a mother’s intuition about her child’s emotional well-being.

I’ve asked young brides-to-be what attracted them to their fiancé; among other things, many said they thought “he would make a good father.” This man attracted them in that they were already thinking of their child – – – yet to be conceived!

So what makes a good father? (We’re all free to list our qualities, right?) Here’s mine:

• A father is the guarantor of safety in the home. The children need to know that dad is in the house and all will be well through the night. There’s a noise downstairs? Dad, you check it out.
• A father is a “court of final appeal”. When everyone’s stated their case (mom first of course) and a decision still can’t be reached, dad takes responsibility for the well being of the whole family. Not as a boss but as a loving leader.
• When children become teenagers and are physically mature, there’s a tension in them that needs to “test things out for themselves”. Dad has to be there to match their strength with his own (especially with boys). A father will listen and consider the children always. But he won’t be bullied.
• He puts his wife closest to his heart.
• Dad’s first duty was to be our father; only after that could he be a friend.
• A father’s strength helps us to enter the “world out there”. . finding a job, a career, pointing out dangers, giving us confidence that we can make it in this world.
• Dad is happiest when his wife and children are happy. And if not, he does his best to make things better. He’s a fixer.
• Dad believes in God. He leads us in prayer at the dinner table and at night before bed. He is the muscle that gets us to mass on Sunday. He’s anxious to model Christ’s virtues . . . especially faithfulness, sacrifice, forgiveness, courage and tenderness.

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Dear Dad. Please know that we love you and for better or worse . . . we grew up! Thanks for your love and sacrifice throughout these years. We’re better persons because of you.

Fr. Tim