One of the common human habits we all share to some degree is curiosity. At first glance it can seem a harmless practice, in fact good things can come from it. For example, a student is curious about what causes thunderstorms or hail. It moves them to pursue a deeper knowledge of weather. Your doctor is curious about your blood pressure and why it’s so high. This is good curiosity.
Bad curiosity (or what we call nosiness) is something else. It’s a habit of inquiring about people – – concerning matters that are none of our business. “I wonder what he makes at that job.” “Where do they stay when they go on vacation?” “Who is she dating?” “Why are those two friends?” “I wonder what their marriage is really like.”
Why do we do that? Because it brings us pleasure. Such knowledge about others brings a certain power; now we know something that unlocks a side of them they choose not to reveal to us. On the surface it can seem a harmless habit, “I just want to know more about this person.” (So why not just ask them?).
But let’s be honest. Underneath most of this inquisitiveness is a desire to find some “dirt”. Much of the grocery tabloids and the internet play on our hunger for seamy details about celebrities. Paparazzi make their living de- livering photos to feed our curiosity. There’s a certain pleasure in seeing someone weak or out of control (the German’s call it Shadenfreuda – – pleasure derived from other’s problems).
Why can curiosity be sinful? Because it violates two virtues we owe to others. The first is Justice. People have a right to privacy about personal matters. Prying eyes and ears serve to “steal” something that doesn’t belong to them. Thou shalt not steal.
Secondly Charity. Scripture tells us we are to do to others what we would want done to ourselves. How do we like it when someone wants to know our thoughts and feelings about matters we deem to be private? It’s not theirs to have. So that same respect must be shown to others.
But there is another matter sinful curiosity can cause. Sadness.
Think about it. “Love does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.” 1Cor. 13:6. There’s a certain darkness that happens when we wander into people’s lives in search of private things. We become less a good friend to that person (or at least a less respectful fellow citizen).
When we carry matters obtained through curiosity it can affect the way we interact with that person. We become less transparent because “we know something”. Over time cynicism and suspicion can grow about anyone and “what they’re REALLY like.”
So what can we do to curb our curiosity appetite? These might help.
- Recognize what you’re doing. Am I genuinely concerned about this person or am I just curious?
- Would I like someone else to be inquisitive about me as I am doing to them?
- When prying thoughts about others occurs . . . change them to a quick prayer for the person.
- Treasure the people the Lord gives you as true friends and with whom “confidences” are shared and freely given.
- Avoid conversations that deal in private matters about others not present. Gossip.
- Be glad you don’t know stuff!! It frees you up.
Bless you.
Fr. Tim
