I’m thinking of a spiritual lesson I’ve had to learn over and over in my life. It’s the simple fact that God wants all of me.
What do we mean when we say “all of me” (all of you)? Think of our many parts . . . our mind and its reasoning, our memory, our desires, our freedom, our work, talents, relationships etc. God wants to be in charge of all these things.
The problem is I want to be in charge of them. After all . . . It’s MY life!!
So throughout my life I’ve tried to strike a deal with God. “I’ll give you most of me Lord. You can have my work and those work relationships. You get back what gifts you’ve given me (my big mouth). I’ll even throw in what kind of TV I watch (nothing smutty. You wouldn’t like that). All this is yours.”
“But . . . don’t ask me to give you my habits or my preferences. I’ve spent a lifetime developing them: my bedtime, my cocktail time, my personal time, particular relationships; all these are mine. I’ll do what I want with them.
So God is patient. He lets us have our way. Habits and preferences (even the good ones) start to protect them- selves. To the point where they can start to run the show. We start living in service (slavery?) to our “wants”. (“What do you mean the plane is delayed? This just can’t be. I have to be in Rochester this evening!!” OR, “No cof- fee!!? That’s ridiculous!”
And I don’t know about you, but every time I take free reign of my life, with no concern for God’s will (I’m a good guy – – I don’t need God’s will to tell me what to do) . . . things get messed up.
It’s weird. Here I start out wanting a little “life for myself”. God won’t mind. And now I discover there’s a growing part of me that doesn’t want God interfering with my habits and wants at all.
And look what’s happened to God. God becomes “the Law”, the cop in my rearview mirror. A kill joy, someone to fear or at least avoid.
Poor God. How we twist things about Him. How we make Him out to be some grumpy boss who loves to order people around. This friends is the effect of original sin in us. Our vision of life slowly changes. Happiness is something to be grasped by ourselves. God is someone to flee. Adam and Eve hid themselves.
So what went wrong? We did. We failed to give God everything. Call it what you want . . . mistrust, selfishness, pride, arrogance . . . it’s all the same. It’s a voice that says, “NOBODY IS GOING TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO. NOT EVEN GOD.”
Ever have that feeling? Ever hear yourself saying that? Welcome to this fallen world.
We’ve forgotten that God loves us. We’ve forgotten that, in His love, He knows us better than we know ourselves. He made us!
And it’s from this love we receive His will. God loves us and His will directs us in such a way that when we follow it we discover our purpose and our dignity as Children of God. This is the joy that comes from life “in Christ”.
Soooooo . . . . what should we do? I’m going to ask God for the grace to let go of my “must have, must do” and to entrust myself to God’s will for me each day. (I’m going to need help with this. So pray for me. And I will pray for what you need to give to God).
God wants all of you because God made all of you.
Fr. Tim
