I’m thinking of a spiritual lesson I’ve had to learn over and over in my life. It’s the simple fact that God wants all of me.
There’s a tension here. Everything I have has been given to me: parents, siblings, personality, talents . . . all gifts. The problem is I forget my very existence is given to me by God. I start thinking I’m in charge. It’s MY life. . . and I’ve got plans for me.
All this can work well so long, as my father used to say, “It squares with the Home Office”. In this case that’s God!
Chaffing under these limits to freedom, don’t we try to strike a deal with God? “Look Lord, I’ll keep the 10 Commandments as best I can, Mass on Sunday when schedules permit, and, what the heck, I’ll throw in a few bucks for the CMA.”
“But . . . don’t ask me to give you my habits or my preferences. I’ve spent a lifetime developing them: my bedtime, my cocktail, my personal time, a particular hobby, etc., all these are mine. I’ll do what I want with them.” “Got a problem with that?”
So God is patient. He lets us have our way. But see what happens. Habits and preferences (even the good ones) start to protect themselves. To the point where they start to run the show. We start living in a way that expects our habits to have no interference. (“What do you mean the plane is delayed?” OR “No coffee!!? That’s impossible!” OR “Take a walk? Can’t you see the Bills game is on?”)
Once again God lets us have our way. And I don’t know about you, but every time I start thinking “I’m a good guy–I don’t need God’s will to tell me what to do”… things get muddy.
It’s weird. I start out wanting a little “life for myself”. God won’t mind. And now I discover there’s a growing part of me that doesn’t want God interfering with my habits at all.
And look what’s happened to God. God becomes “the Law”, the cop in my rearview mirror. Our loving Creator is now a kill joy, someone to flee.
Poor God. How we twist things about Him. How we make Him out to be some grumpy boss who loves to order people around. Our vision of life slowly changes. Happiness is something to be grasped by ourselves. God is someone to flee. Adam and Eve hid themselves.
So what went wrong? We did. We failed to give God everything. Call it what you want . . . mistrust, selfishness, pride, arrogance . . . it’s all the same. It’s a voice that says, “NOBODY IS GOING TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO.” Quietly God calls to us but we’re not in the mood to listen.
Ever have that feeling? Ever hear yourself saying that? Welcome to this fallen world.
We’ve forgotten that God loves us. We’ve forgotten that, in His knowing love, He knows us better than we know ourselves. (If God had granted every wish or prayer I’ve made, I dread what I would have become!) And, get this.
God’s will is our true happiness! St. Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits, prayed this prayer (The Suscipe) for God to have all of him. See what you think.
Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding and my whole will. All that I am and all that I possess, Thou hast given me: I surrender it all to Thee to be disposed of according to Thy will. Give me only Thy love and Thy grace; with these I will be rich enough and will desire nothing more. Amen.
Next Week Advent. We start all over!
Fr. Tim
