My Kids Don’t Go To Mass..

One of the most common and sharpest pains priests hear about is the sorrow parents and grandparents feel about their children not practicing their Faith, not going to mass.

They look back over the years spent getting children to religious education, making all their sacraments, fighting and arguing on the way to church, and throwing hands up as they exclaim, “How did I fail them? What did I do wrong?”

It’s a big issue, not something to solve in this little article. But here are a few thoughts that might ease the pain and point to hope for the future.

First off, you are not the perfect parent. (Mary and Joseph came the closest to that and even they lost Jesus for three days in the temple!). You yourself were imper- fectly formed by your parents and they too, by theirs, and on it goes back in time. GOD KNOWS THIS ABOUT YOU. God judges your heart and your intentions for your children, not the imperfect answers you gave them about what we believe.

If you happen to know how you yourself came up short in faith, you may want to share that with your children, how you yourself wandered from your Catholic Faith. Yes, an acknowledgement from mom or dad about your own shortcomings can go a long way to heal old wounds and angry accusations.

Secondly, it’s not too late to share your faith. No longer in grade school, your children still look to you for love and guidance. But this time around it has to be different. They need to see how your faith and religious practices make a difference in your life. They need adult answers.

“So mom/dad, you believe in Jesus, right? Does that make you better than others? Am I going to hell because I don’t go to mass? Does God only love church goers? How does faith help you live your life?” Think long and hard about your answer. People need to see that following Christ really brings a peace “that the world cannot take away.” Jn. 14:27. Don’t let their honest questions upset you.

Are you . . . more Patient? Generous? Hopeful? Selfless? Forgiving? Less judgmental? Do you try to think the best of people? Are you happy? How does Faith help you with these things?

If we don’t exhibit these, why would someone want to practice our religion?

Third. This may sound strange, but the Catholic Church is not God. We don’t worship the church. She is God’s bride, the faithful witness to the Risen Lord. The church, like a mother, gives birth to her children in baptism. She nourishes us with the graces flowing from the sacraments given to her by Christ. She shepherds and guides us through life to follow Him.

God’s dealings with your children ARE NOT LIMITED to what happens at mass on Sunday. The Holy Spirit reaches out to people in thousands of ways. God uses the events of life to bring us to moments of faith (encounters with love and mercy, generosity, beauty, patient endurance, etc.)

Lastly, God knows your child better than you do. God knows why they do what they do to keep Him away. God also knows the secret goodness your son or daughter already has for God.

Remember the “Good Thief” who was crucified next to Jesus? He missed church his whole life, yet in his last moment he came to Jesus. “This day you will be with me in paradise.” Lk 23:43

So? Trust God to find moments of love to lure your child into heaven. And . . . be ready to be an instrument of gentle, patient witness to God in YOUR LIFE. And then? Pray. Pray. . . . invite, invite!

Love wins. All will be well.

Why? Simple. Jesus Christ is risen from the dead.

Fr. Tim