Every year we hear this passage from Ephesians (5:21), “Wives be submissive to your husbands” and so this Sunday we hear it again. Let the eye rolling begin!
Of course it is immediately written off by many as a message from a different time. Today, we moderns see things in terms of “equality” and have freed ourselves from the old-fashioned roles of husband and wife. “Submission” feels like we’re losers in some contest of wills.
Rather than spending time explaining what this passage does NOT mean (blind obedience and the self-effacement of women); let’s look briefly at what this means FOR HUSBANDS.
God’s word is laying a burden on men that is different from the burden women carry. St. Paul calls them “the head” of wife and family. What could this mean but to serve the needs of the body (of which he is a part). To be a “Look Out” for those most dear to him . . . his family.
Every family needs someone who’s major responsibility is to be watchful for dangers, observant of needs, and dedicated to providing a stable, safe and peaceful home base. (Who goes downstairs in the middle of the night to find out what that noise was?) The Head.
But can’t wives do that just as well? Yes. Many do. Heroic single mothers are everywhere. They carry the man’s burden as well as their own. I bet if you asked them if they’d like the man to carry his burden with her . . . and for her, she’d say “Finally. Some help!” God bless them.
C. S. Lewis writes, “It is painful, being a man, to have to assert privileged or the burden which Christianity lays upon my own sex. I am crushingly aware how inadequate most of us are to fill this place.” God in The Dock.
He goes on to say we men often make very bad husbands (priests!). “That is because we are insufficiently masculine.” Masculine in the way that is modeled in Jesus Christ.
And that’s the key for both husband and wife – – to be like Christ for each other. Husbands, remember when Jesus spoke of himself as the good shepherd? “I am the Good Shepherd. A good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep . . . I will lay my life down for the sheep. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down on my own.” John 10:18.
Wives, remember when Jesus spoke to his Father in the Garden the night before his crucifixion? Knowing that somehow his death would be the way his Father revealed the salvation of humanity, yet feeling the terror of what lay ahead – – he submitted. “Father take this cup from me, but not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14:36.
And in the end, don’t we all “submit”? Don’t we give in to the wishes of those we love. Love wants to say “yes” every time! But love also knows it must be guided by what is right and virtuous. And here we are back again to the role of husband and wife. I hope we can still say clearly that the woman’s heart pulls together the family relationships, giving that warmth and comfort that is her genius.
The man, if he’s carrying his proper burden, has her and the children as his chief concern in life. He’s the “lookout” for all of them. Protecting, providing, and yes, sometimes correcting.
It’s like a dance. You need a Fred in his top hat, and a Ginger in her flowing gown, joined in their coordinated whirl of love.
Bless you.
Fr. Tim
